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BY: CAMERON CARMIKE
With many casting announcements coming faster than your spouse, it seems that a new cast member for 'Spider-Man: Home Depot' has been announced. And it's a very familiar face. 'Spider-Man: Homecoming' star Laura Harry Hole is returning as the role of Liz Allen but with a twist. It seems that she will now take over the role of her father as 'The Vulture'. Or should I say 'The Vultress'. The news comes to us from director Jon Watts himself. This is what he said directly to us. "You see, in the first movie, The Vulture died I think so it makes sense to bring her back and make her become lady vulture as her revenge plot." This is the only casting announcement that has been confirmed by the director himself. We asked if the rumors about Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield returning are true. This is what he stated. "I don't know". So how do you feel about this news? Are you excited as we are? 'Spider-Man: No Home-o' will released in theaters fall of 2021.
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Article by: Cameron Carmike
Back in 2017, Director James Wan announced that his next project after Aquaman was going to be a 'FrankenBerry' movie for New Line Cinema with his best buddy Leigh Warnell (Saw) penning the script. He even stated that the movie could possibly be a start to a shared universe with Frank's other buddies, Count Chocula and Boo Berry. However, we haven't heard anything since... until now. During an interview with Variety, Mr. Wan came out and said that he was no longer part of the project. In fact, he doesn't even remember the idea in the first place. This is what he stated. "No! I'm not doing a FrankBerry movie. What the hell are you talking about? FrankenBerry movie? Nobody even likes FrankenBerry. Also stop calling yourself Variety. I can tell that sign is fake. Wait, is this Unreel News? Damnit I should've known. " Mr. Wan then stormed out the warehouse calling us "irrelevant". So what are your thoughts on this news? Would you like to see a FrankenBerry movie? Is Unreel News irrelevant? Let us know in the comments and be sure to follow us on twitter. I really need this job. Although Pixar's 'Incredibles 2' may be shattering records at the box office with $180 million this weekend, it seems that not everybody would say it's worth the price of admission. What was supposed to be a nice Father's Day out with pops ended up becoming an INCREDIBLE catastrophe. During a 11:50 showtime on Sunday, a man by the name of Noah Erickson (sounds familiar) decided to leave halfway through the most anticipated sequel of 2018 after a certain character appeared on screen. The character is known as Frozone - portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson and even had a role in the original 'Incredibles' movie. Mr. Jackson could also be seen in those 'Capital One' commercials who says the iconic line "What's in your wallet?" Right as Frozone popped up and started speaking, Mr. Erickson recognized the voice and DASHED his way out the local Regal Cineplex. This is what he had to say:
"I know I shouldn't be so furious about an animated kid's movie but did Disney really have to stoop so low for a sponsorship like that? It's quite obvious the MOUSE only makes products to appease the general masses. And why I do still see these movies and pay a good twelve dollars for a ticket, It's still a pathetic scheme. As soon as Frozone started talking, I could already hear the Capital One commercials. They clearly hired him just so he could sponsor Capital One venture cards. I didn't have to see the rest of the movie to know he was going to look straight at the audiences and ask us to sign up online. That was the end of the line. Also, he's black which made me a bit uncomfortable". Mr. Erickson then made his way to his car after his dad finished up the movie. Have you seen 'Incredibles 2' yet? Is Noah Erickson a white supremacist? Let us know in the comments and be sure to check that mole on your neck. First Man, more like First Panned! Hahahahaha.
So film twitter has been having a circle jerk over the upcoming Neil Armstrong biopic ‘First Man’ starring Ryan Gosling. Unfortunately it looks like film twitter is gonna be going full Hannah soon. According to The Daily Wire, First Man received many walkouts at a recent test screening. The movie currently clocks in at 3 hours and 36 mins, and is also wildly inaccurate to the actual story of the first man on the moon. We talked with one of the brave souls who decided to put himself through the film. here’s what he said: This movie is a disgrace to the American people. They made it look like these fucks actually went to the moon which they fucking didn’t. The moon is just a projection there is no physical moon in space. The “moon landing” was filmed by Nicolas Winding Refn in the back of a 7/11 on 9/11/69. It’s all a lie dude. Just like X chromosomes So it looks like Ryan Gosling will have to wait for his Oscar once again. Then again it’s not like he’s that great in general. "PADDINGTON 3 WILL HAVE YOUR FAVORITE LOVABLE BEAR JOURNEY THROUGH THE PITS OF HELL" SAYS DIRECTOR.5/26/2018 'Paddington 2' has been acclaimed as one of the best - if not the best film of 2018 with a remarkable score of 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Although the movie wasn't a smash hit at the box office, it still made enough money to warn a threequel. But how exactly can you top the sequel that's been known as the 'Godfather Part 2' of this generation? Well, director Paul King exactly knows that if you can't UP the quality then it might as well go DOWN. "He's going straight to hell", said Mr. King in an interview with Southern Living magazine. "The first two films were quite charming. People around the globe absolutely adored them and i'm very glad. However, we can't just keep on making charming adorable films. We need Paddington to go through a dark place. So that's why in Paddington 3, your favorite, lovable bear will journey through the pits of Hell. You're probably asking how can he get into hell is he's so damn lovable? Well, we're still coming up with the plot just don't worry about it. Also I want Eddie Redmayne as Satan. Do you have Eddie Redmayne's number?" Paul King was then escorted out the room as he accidentally dropped a bag of cocaine during the interview. How do you feel about this news? Do you think Paddington can make his way through the inferno? Is Eddie Redmayne a good choice for Satan? Let us know your thoughts in the comments. 'Paddington 3: Paddington Goes to Hell' is expected to hit theaters January 2020. '13 reasons why' show runner reveals season 3's BIG CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC: HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA FOOD.5/23/2018 Just when you think this show couldn't push the boundaries any further, the producers slam you to the wall and whisper in your ear, "We're just getting started baby". Which is what exactly happened to me this morning. Let's take it back to the beginning. I sat inside my room as rain started hitting my window. I could've been using this time looking for an actual job. But instead I decided to catch up on a few episodes of 'NARCOS'. Boy, that Pedro Pascal is one mighty fine slice of cheesecake I tell ya. Anyways, I receive a message from my asshole racist boss, Wyatt. He told me that he was feeling quite under the weather and asked to fill in for him today. He said the job was to go to Netflix Headquarters and interview the people behind the hit show 'Thirteen Reasons Why' while writing an article about it afterwards. At first I refused simply because i've never watched the show and I don't write articles anymore. He then replied with a picture of me and Helen Mirren on my summer 2016 vacation. Let's just say it's not a pretty picture. He also said that he would post that picture on the internet. Of course he would go straight to blackmailing so I surrendered and accepted the task. I drive on over to Netflix HQ and head straight to the third floor. The whole level smelled like vape and sweat. I knew I was in the right area. I entered Room 2.6 where the people behind 'Thirteen Reasons Why' worked. The room was filled with nothing but a bunch of dude in thirties with pony tells and beards wearing Hawaiian shirts. One of them came up to me and shook my hand. He introduced himself as the showrunner, Mr. Netflix Jr. I sat down with Mr. Netflix Jr. and started shooting off questions. I asked him about any details for the next season. He took one big vape hit and blew it right in my face, stating... "You know, I want this show to tackle really important issues in this modern day era, you know. We have a voice that needs to be heard. Like the first season was about suicide and stuff. And like the second season was about rape and stuff. So, you know for Season 3, I wanted to tackle the quality of High School cafeteria food and why it poisons millennial's and the educational system. I watched a whole documentary about it on Netflix which my dad owns and it really got me thinking, you know. Apparentally the food is actually NOT food and it really opened my eyes. And since my show is pretty popular, I think more people will open their eyes and see the truth." I started to drift away as I had no idea what the hell he was saying. I got up and told him to have a nice day. He then tackled me and slammed my head against the wall. He then whispered into my ear "We're just getting started, baby." Suddenly, more execs started to run up to me - one even I had a broom. My head started to spin. What the hell was he going to with that broom? Thankfully, the FBI came in and arrested all of them. Thank the lord the FBI was there to save me. Any who, do you like where they're taking this show? Will the producers be facing time in prison? Let us know in the comments and be sure to apply sunscreen thirty minutes before getting into the pool. Now if you excuse me, i'm going to therapy. By Wyatt J.P
Lars Von Trier is no stranger to controversy. His previous films included a scene involving Willem Defoe’s balls getting crushed causing him to cum blood, Shia Labeouf’s penis and other things cool I guess. Von Trier has been making the rounds with his new film The House That Jack Built based off of the beloved children’s book. The story follows not Jack but Matt Dillon doing sickening things to women and a black guy. The film received a mass walkout at Cannes this past week confirming the French will raise their flag for anything nowadays. If all this wasn’t enough the film will now be screened in the Râpé theater, which will be the first theater to allow rape during the screening. Von Trier stated the following: My film is one that makes the audience feel many emotions. One in particular is rape. I wanted to make the audience feel truly immersed into this film. I showed it to one of my colleagues and he started to force himself on me halfway through. I quite enjoyed it so I wanted to share that experience with everyone. I thank the Râpé theater for this amazing opportunity. Well this sure is an interesting marketing scheme and I will let you guys know how it was. By Wyatt J.P
Zack Snyder is one of the most beloved filmmakers of our time. Or is he??? Snyder recently appeared on NRAtv this morning to address the gun control issue. He said the following Look the NRA isn’t evil. In fact I like to think of the NRA as the real life Justice League. They stand for same ideals only thing is they don’t have super powers, but that would be pretty cool wouldn’t it HAHA! David Hogg and the March for Our Lives movement is kinda like Lex Luthor and the Legion of Doom. They seek to destroy our way of life by turning the American people against the Justice League who is the NRA in this scenario. And if you’re surprised by my endorsement of firearms do you not remember #ZackAttack? Now if you’ll excuse me I have a double date with two individuals known as Smith & Wesson HAHA! Snyder also confirmed that 65% of all profits made from BvS and Justice League went to the NRA. What do you guys think of this news? Amy Pascal admits to pleasuring herself to an image of Tom Holland fucking a picture of Amy Pascal2/19/2018 By Wyatt J.P
It’s no secret the relationship with Sony and Spider-Man has been quite...STICKY HAHAHA GET IT!!??! However nobody expected this. According to Sony slave workers, Amy Pascal engaged in hyper sexual acts with a photo of Tom Holland doing similar actions. The photo reveals Tom Holland to be completely nude and releasing his semen onto a photo of the woman in question. They went into great detail of what she did. Mistress Amy would take the photo and start by gently rubbing it against her clit. She followed up by shoving it into her vagina while screaming “Tommy fuck mommy good!” followed by “YEAH SPIDEY SHOOT THAT WEB IN MOMMY’S COIN SLOT!” She would also role play as MJ and do the upside down kiss from Spider-Man (2002). Please help us she’s using us in a orgy soon! How do you feel about this shocking development. Let us know By Wyatt J.P
After a recent health scare Stan Lee has reportedly passed on another bottle of prune juice. Meaning he is doing great in his recovery. That is all. |
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