Article by: Amanda Todd
So just yesterday, I finished up watching the painfully boring and cancerous Netflix show, 13 Reasons Why. Everybody has been talking how good it is but I wanted to kill myself after watching it. And here are a few reasons why:
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Article by: Rick Staniewicz
Just recently, a yogurt shop know as Pinkberry put out a Yogurt inspired by the upcoming DC film, Wonder Woman which is hitting theaters June 2nd. I went to get myself this yogurt and it got me thinking, "This is some sexist yogurt", and here's why. 1. It's Pink - Pink has always been known as the color for the female gender. It's such a stereotype that's been used for ages. Not everything for women has to be pink. 2. It doesn't have armpit hair - There was a recent outcry on Wonder Woman not having any armpit hair in the new movie, which is a damn shame. I mean, at least put it in the yogurt. 3. Donald Trump - Donald Trump is our President and that makes me scared for the future of America. He probably came up with the yogurt idea too. That fat son of a bitch. 4. Male Employees - When I got this yogurt, a MAN served it to me. An actual man. If I want yogurt inspired by a woman superhero then I want served by a person with a vagina. Men can go work at Hot Topic or fuck off. 5. I don't have a fifth reason I don't really have another reason why it's sexist but... it's sexist. Anyways, what do you think about our top 5 reasons? Do you agree with them? If not, are you a misogynist? Let us know in the comments and make sure to follow us on Twitter and Pornhub for more Unreel News. We've all probably heard about the tragic news that came out on Wednesday. The heads over at Marvel had the audacity to throw not just a female director for Captain Marvel... but also a male. Yes, a person with a penis and testicles is co-directing Captain Marvel. Makes me wanna throw up just thinking about it. How awkward is it gonna be for Brie Larson to listen to a guy telling her how to act and shit? The female director is probably just gonna sit there and like hold the camera. And as a fellow writer on Unreel News, and a person who argues about Comic book movies online, i know movies.I know what happens in the movie industry. I've never even been to Hollywood but I can tell you everything that goes down. There's nothing fine with this at all. It just proves that Marvel isn't confident with just a woman directing the movie. By Wyatt J.P
Well after many years of watching movies it's time to ask the question. What in John Goodman's ballsack is a movie? Well let's go back to 1900 or something when the first movie was made. I believe it was called Roundhay Garden Scene. A very polarizing movie about beastiality. The movie revolves around a man who finds a dog taking a spike shit in his garden. The man decides to remove the dog from the premises, however he becomes extremely turned on by the leftover diarrhea leaking from the dog's asshole. He can no longer hold himself back so he takes out his dick and starts sliding it in and out of the dog's anal cavity using the diarrhea as a lubricant. Now let's look at the newest movie The Fate of the Furious. An ensemble action movie with cars, girls but no dog sex. Is this a good thing? Have we figured out what movies are yet? Well believe it or not we have. Movies were at one point, art. They showed us things we weren't to keen on seeing at the time but eventually made sense after the viewing. Movies nowadays lack the diarrhea lubricant that we fuck our dog with. We are no longer able to squeeze our way into that world of taboo. We are stuck with a hard on for that dog. Are we wrong? Are movies something else? Let us know below. Gotta get back to the past, of racism?I have never personally watched Samurai Jack, but I’m sure its great. Samurais are Japanese and if you are white, you are not Japanese. Being a white piece of shit and watching a show about asian people is cultural appropriation. Cultural appropriation is a punishable offense. You might as well be Billy Van with doing his black-face routine. There is nothing justifiable appropriating someones culture like that.
By Wyatt J.P Wonder Woman is hitting theaters this June and for many it's a highly anticipated film. But for others it's DC's last shot at making something salvageable. Today I'm going to state my objective and correct opinion about why Wonder Woman needs to be a bad movie.
You're probably thinking "Why does it need to be bad? we should hope it's good" and I say "WRONG!" Wonder Woman needs to be a bad film so that people won't see it or endorse it and here's why I think that. Gal Gadot was in the Israeli army which is a bad thing right? There's one reason. Another reason is that DC is homophobic for making Wonder Woman straight when clearly she's bi. I mean she lives on a planet full of women right? Wonder Woman also has men involved in the film making process. It's called Wonder WOMAN you sexist rapist cis fucks! And finally, the most important reason this movie should fail is to send a message to DC saying no one wants to see White or light skinned folk in these movies. It shows that we have made no progress in the past 90 years of film. Thank you you for hearing my 100% factual opinion. Today we had an interview with Zack Snyder ones of the most critically acclaimed 'Best Director of the decade' for his work on The Blues Clues movie and The Live Action Naruto movie.
We asked him about the recent attacks of Brendan Fraser and if he felt the wrath of Fraser. He replied to us saying "The man is insane, He took method acting to a whole new level when he beat me with a crowbar." "I'm happy his career is done" Now you probably saw this headline and wanted to type in your hate comments right away. But just for one second hear me out.
White washing is a very big and controversial subject in the film industry right now. Movies such as Gods Of Egypt, Doctor Strange, and Ghost in the Shell, have all been getting backlash (or should I say blacklash) for casting white people into minority roles. Honestly, I can totally see why movie studios would pull that trick. And also, is it really that bad? I mean, it's just a movie. None of it is real. So what if Scarjo is playing the role of an Asian woman for an anime adaptation? The woman doesn't exist so why does this matter? The only thing that should really matter is how the actor/actress is portraying the role. Maybe they did have Asians females audition but they just didn't struck a cord with the producers. And honestly, how could you turn down such a beautiful woman like Johanson? Just look at her. Now if she was representing a real Asian woman like Yoko Ono, then that's a real issue. Personally, I think whitewashing pays respect to the good old days of blackface. It was a big hit back in the 19th century and was used as an act for a musical or comedy bit. Now you could say that was racist but it was a pretty big trend. And seeing where we are now in Hollywood, it's pretty much still here but used differently. Big studios such as paramount, Fox, Marvel, etc. are using whitewashing not because they don't like blacks or Asians. It's because they want to be nostalgic and pay tribute from the old style of entertainment. Overall, it's a business and you have to keep it going. It's not that studio execs don't listen to you and your complaints. It's just that they don't give a shit what you say. It's there movie so they can do whatever they want to it. By Wyatt J.P
It's no surprise that the trailer for the upcoming detective comics video game Injustice 2 nearly broke the world wide web yesterday. I however was appalled that the trailer didn't have the popular character Felicity Smoak from the hit TV show Arrow on the CW, so we came up with 8 reasons why Felicity Smoak NEEDS to be in Injustice 2. 7. Fans Love her. The fanbase for this character is massive and this game has to appeal to those fans if it wants to sell copies. 6. She is a great character. Felicity is the most developed character on superhero television not having her in this game would be a great misstep for detective comics. 5. Stephen Amell wants it to happen. Arrow himself Stephen Amell has said that he wants Felicity to be a character in Injustice 2. If the Arrow says this then it must happen. 4.They need to push Felicity as Black Canary. With Arrow killing off the character Black Canary, Felicity just might step into the role next season. Injustice 2 comes out next year and Arrow season 5 will be in full throttle at that point so it would be perfect timing to have Felicity kicking bad guy butt in both Injustice 2 and Arrow. 3. She wears glasses. Characters with glasses are incredibly underrepresented in games so why not have Felicity championing the torch in Injustice 2. 2. She's a woman. The fact that detective comics was so sexist that they only put Supergirl in Injustice 2 is insulting. Felicity needs to be in this game so there's diversity. They could even have Felicity talk about the wage gap in the game. 1. She's underexposed. The fact that Geoff Johns insultingly left out Felicity in detective comics: rebirth is just disgusting. Felicity needs to be in more detective comics properties because the fans really want to see a woman succeed and not be slapped across the face by Geoff Johns' hand. I hope you all enjoyed this editorial and I really hope the heads at detective comics see this and think twice before spitting in the face of the fans. Now that Daniel Craig is out of the question, people are wondering who should be taking the role of Agent 007. The internet seems to love giving out many unique options such as Idris Elba playing the first black James Bond. Or maybe Emily Blunt being the first female Bond. But nobody has really been thinking about the first American James Bond. Now who would I get to play American James Bond? Well, I was thinking more along the lines of America's sweetheart, Chris Pine. Here's some reasons why. 1. He knows how to act. Chris Pine is mainly known for his role of Captain James T. Kirk in the rebooted Star Trek franchise. Not to mention that he'll be playing the iconic role of Steve Trevor in Wonder Woman, hitting theaters in 2017. So he pretty much knows the whole acting business and that's what producers for the Bond really want, somebody who can act. 2. He can pull off a pretty great British accent. "Now you can't have Bond without him being British". Don't you worry now outraged fan because Chris Pine can give you just that. You probably don't remember this but Chris Pine was from the Disney classic "The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement". In the movie, he played the role of Nicholas Devereaux and executed an impersonation of a brit very well. Not every American actor can do something like that. 3. He can play a spy. Still not convinced. Well, how about if I told you that Chris Pine knows how to play a spy. It's not the easiest job in the world, too. Chris Pine can be seen playing a spy in movies such as 'Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit' or even the hit film 'This Means War' where he plays opposite Tom Hardy. It's pretty much clear that Mr. Pine was born to play Bond... James Bond. What are your thoughts on Chris Pine as Bond? Would you personally get someone else for the role. Let us know in the comments below. |
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