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The Despicable Me movies have been some of the most original and awe inspiring animated films we've had in a very long time. With many clever gags and remarkable characters, there's no reason to stop now. Or is there?
Just kidding. There is no reason. Despicable Me 3, which is the fourth installment into the Illumination franchise is just as good or even better than the others. Well, from the stuff that I saw. You see, this movie is just pure family friendly entertainment. And that's the type of shit that really gets me on. There were so many great moments inside this film that makes you realize this is a film for the whole family. Just saying that gets me hard. Whenever, Balthazar Bratt showed up and made very clean and goofy jokes, I got fully erect. Huge boner popping right up from my shorts. All the kids and their parents were laughing. It was just so fantastic. However, the mother right beside kind of noticed and told the manager. So now, I can't go back to that theater anymore. Oh well. For what it is, Despicable M3 is definitely worth the price of admission. The animation is great, the characters are great as usual, and of course the soundtrack by Bruno Mars is top notch. Rating: 10.5/10
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It's no secret that I unironically love the Transformers movies. Every movie seems to grow more in depth and complex than the one before. However, it seems as if people around have been tired of this franchise. Already? I mean, it's only the fifth installment. Anyways, I tried to convince my father to go see it with me. He said no. Then I tried to convince my mother. She denied as well. And with my friends in Prison, I have nobody to sit along side me during 2hrs and 30 mins of pure cinematic erection. The last option I could do was just snatch a kid from the local elementary school and drive him to the theater. Which is exactly what I did.
His name is Peter and man, he such a very nice kid. He even payed for his own ticket. We sat down, choked down popcorn and watched possibly one of the best movies of the past two months. After that, I took him back to his house and floored it as his mom was about to walk up to me. So... here are my initial thoughts on Transformers: The Last Knight - A Michael Bay film. First off, Mr. Bay never seems to let us down with visuals. Boy, he brought his a-game. There was one time Bumblebee was fighting a Decepticon wearing a Sombrero (guess you could call it a SpicBot) going in slo-mo. It was so fucking badass. And can't forget the time the John Goodman Transformer was doing it doggy style with Grimlock. I'm not sure if that's technically bestiality but who cares? They were robots and it looked awesome. The performances and writing were phenomenal. Akiva Goodsman delivers a screenplay that makes Sorkin look a bag of rat shit covered in a hooker's gonorrhea. Mark Wahlberg gives so much depth into his character uhh, shit what's his name? Doesn't matter. And there was like a 14 year old girl in this who I think is the girl who voiced Moana. She was very good and also kind of hot. Anthony Hopkins while sleepwalking throughout the movie still gives his best and shows us why he's Anthony Hopkins. The only negative I had about this was the British chick played by Emily Blunt. Her breasts weren't large enough and her ass was mediocre. Hell, the little girl was more impressive. If i go see a Transformers film, I need a lady with a little bit of junk in her trunk. Overall, Transformers: The Last Knight was spectacular and I hope those squinty eyes in Asia give this all their money so we get at least twelve more of these. I know you stupid Americans won't go see this but yet you almost voted for Hillary so suck my balls. RATING : 9.7/10 |
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September 2018
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