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By Wyatt J.P
The alt-right Batman has a trailer out and it's badass bro. And proof that the black people aren't the only ones who got it a little rough. The Punisher trailer shows that a white man can have it just as bad as a black Latino Asian gay tranny Muslim. Thank god we finally have an icon who looks like us and deals with the same every day problems as us on the small screen. Andrew Breitbart would be so proud of how far we have come. Thank you President Trump for making all of this possible.
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The title 'American Assassin' pretty much sums up the movie. He's an assassin and he's American. There. That's all you need to know. However, the word American was put into the title made me very curious. Walking out of the movie, I realized it's an average action thriller with a generic plot and super bland leads. But... it's pro- American which makes me like it even more. The villains is this movie are dirty Muslims and Isrealians or whatever those evil brown people are called. There was a cool scene where the lead white guy was chasing one of those ISIS motherfuckers and shot him right in the head. I did the honor to stand up and cheer. That scene right there symbolizes the U.S.A and what makes my country so great. Also, the dead wife was super hot. Rating: 8.5/10 New Line Cinema needs to stop clowning around and start making actual good horror movies. The Conjuring movies are just lame and stupid. The same goes for the latest remake of The Stephen King classic 'IT'. The whole point of a horror movie is to be scared and jump out of your seat. Not once in this movie did a girl look in the mirror then move the mirror and the clown pops up followed by a very loud violin noise. That would've made me shit myself right there. Instead, we get a director who wanted to make the movie look pretty and shit and have likable characters and tension and ugh. Just boring. Like honestly, who fucking cares? The audience isn't there to look at a nice looking film with great cinematography and good actors. We're only in the movie for one simple reason. FOR US TO GET SCARED. That's all there is to it. I'm getting tired of these recent horror movies trying to do something new and different. It's ridiculous. What's even worse is that people are going to fall for this. Like a guy beside me got a heart attack in the middle of the movie. Wow. Really? Overall, this movie is garbage. Possibly the worst movie of the year. You know what? No IT is the worst movie of the year. Fuck you New Line Cinema. RATING: -5/10 |
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September 2018
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