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I went to see this movie, expecting to laugh my ass off while also getting a ROCK hard erection from the fat du- I mean women with huge breasts. Did I get all that stuff? Yes, but not in the good way. You see, I assumed the line for this movie was going to be a decent crowd. Boy was I wrong. The crowd was so huge, it ended outside. And what made it worse is that I forgot to put on sunscreen. The sun hit me hard. Like I was his bitch or something.
Overall, I recommend Baywatch (2017). Did the movie deliver funny dick jokes? Yes. Was the fat gu- I mean big booby girls very attractive? Absolutely. Just don't see this movie with your face fucking scorched by the sun. Rating: 7/10
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(Unreel Review) “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” makes me want to be dead.5/22/2017 By: Clank
“Dead Men Tell No Tales” is the fifth installment in the Pirates franchise, and stars Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow once again, and Javier Bardeem as the villainous Salazar. The movie is about Pirates! And… that's it! The movie has literally nothing else to offer. I’m not sure how to drag out this review since there's nothing else to tlak about… Oh yeah! This movie makes me want to be dead. I never had any expectations for this movie, and yet, I’m still disappointed. The movie is literally a copy and paste from the first movies, just like the one before it. That ALONE makes me suicidal. There's very little meat on its bones in terms of story, it's just 3 guys having banter with each other for around two hours. That's it. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh shit. I got nothin today, folks. By: Clank
Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaat??? REVIEW: "Alien: Covenant" is a disappointing piece of shit, and I haven't even seen it yet.5/16/2017 By Clank, @Clankity on Twitter
Alien: Covenant is the 6th entry in the Alien franchise and is directed by it's original creator, Ridley Scott. The film is about a crew of people investigating a planet they think could be the next gateway to human evolution and population, but the path to paradise quickly leads to hell after realizing that there's a killer species lurking about, taking out the crew of the Covenant one by one. At least, I think, because I never saw this movie. But I still fucking hate it regardless. As a matter of fact, I never saw the original films, either. I'm not a fan of the horror genre because I become too much of a pussy to sit in a dark room and watch a work of fiction that makes me jump out of my seat that I'll eventually forget about by the end of the day. That's just too much for me, so I watched the trailers. They were boring. There were a serious lack of explosions and action, plus the Alien looked like something a masochistic porn artist would draw if he felt REALLY horny. The acting was cliche and the scares were predictable as hell. The worst part, by far, is how they completely wasted Michael Fassbender. He did nothing other than act like a creepy robot. Pathetic. Don't watch this. I sure didn't, and you shouldn't, too. I never really had the chance to go see Guy Ritchie's latest film, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. Also, I didn't really bother to even try and go see it. I've heard many bad things about this film so I was wondering if any of my classmates went to check it out. Apparently, one student did. Surprised too considering the movie has only made like 20 dollars at the box office. His name is Toby Bushwack. I never really talked to him that much but he seems like a nice fella. Kind of good looking too. Anyways, this is what he stated: "Yeah it was good... not great. But good". That sentence right there now made me interested in this movie. Anyways, have you seen King Arthur: Legend of the Sword? Are you a fan of Guy Ritchie? Let us know in the comments and be sure to stay Awesometacular. |
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