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Article by: Cinematic Banter
Recently, Cinemacon just happened and a representative of Unreel News was present at the event, sucking dicks and fingering pussies in order to get interviews. However, as our representative was doing this, he happened to come across Tony Leondis, director of The Emoji Movie. He was holding up a sign saying: 'FREE INTERVIEWS, WILL BE INTERVIEWED BY ANYONE' We can only guess that no one was interviewing Tony Leondis due to the fact that The Emoji Movie is too complex for an average journalist to ask, luckily we happen to have more than average journalists. So we went over and decided to interview Tony Leondis and began asking him questions: Q: What do you think about the mixed reaction to The Emoji Movie at the moment? A: 👎 Q: Has anyone seen The Emoji Movie in press or private screenings yet, if so what was the response? A: "Yes, we have had multiple test screenings and the general consensus was 👍 due to the focus on current social issues that plague our 🌍". We went on to ask what these 'social issues' were that were touched on in the film, he responded with: A: "Well, we decided, due to the demographic that the Emoji Movie will target and that I have a lot of experience due to being a 👴🏻. We thought it was best to have a focus on sexting with emojis such as 😘, 💦🍆, 😍 headlining this section of the film, it really brings the audience to light of how emojis feel when you sext your fuck buddy. On the topic of pedophila, obviously due to my experience of being a 👴🏻, I knew a lot about pedophila going in, and the emojis that headline this section of the film are 😍, 🏡, 😔, 👨🏼✈️ each playing a major role in how pedophila would go down in real life. The different emojis play off these topics well and in the end, it teaches children that pedophila isn't a choice like gay..... Tony Leondis was able to finish his comment, as he was carted away by police officers.
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Yes, you heard that right. Mel Gibson has come out and said that he will be making a comedy based on the Holocaust. Rumor has it that he's now looking at talent such as Jared Leto (Suicide Squad) and Naomi Scott (Power Rangers) to fill the role of Anne Frank. Mel Gibson says he will be playing the role of Adolf Hitler as well as directing and producing the product.
Here's what we know from the plot so far: “Holocaust is one of history's funniest events. We will get to relive the highlights of the funniest moments in the Holocaust. We're also including an unknown romance between Anne Frank and Hitler that the government never wanted you to know” We will keep you lovely lesbian updated on more to come. Comment down below and remember to follow us on twitter or i will find you and make you and your family fist their own asshole. Oh btw our @ is @Unreel_News Article By: A Lesbian (yes we are becoming diverse now deal with it.)
Avi Arad last year dressed up as venom and attacked Marvel Studios. What happened last year is a long story but instead of writing a long ass paragraph why it happened which i am to lazy to do, watch this video made by the late SevenWebHeads. May he rest in Reel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRdhZn8upBc Back to topic, Avi Arad dressed as Venom (again) and attacked Marvel studios (again) but this time it was much worse. this time in honor of the Rated R Venom movie, it got bloody. He reportedly made Kevin Feige lose one of his 4 baseball caps, smashed Amy Pascal's cup of tea. Managed to throw Isaac Perlmutter outside of a window, while Perlmutter was failing a bird shitted on him, soon after he landed he got hit by a car. Unfortunately, he lived, now in the hospitals guarded by Donald Trump's secret service in case Avi Arad strikes once more. the police managed to catch Avi Arad before he could do more harm. Here are Avi's comments: “Its April Fools guys, why are you so mad?!?! I thought this would be a good April Fools prank, and an improvement from last year. I even got more bloody in honor of my R Rated Venom movie getting made. Why am i being handcuffed? Why am I in a care now? Why am i in a jail cell with Jared Leto? Guys?” So what are your thoughts on this situation? Comment down below and remember WHITE POWER SHALL PREVAIL! By Wyatt J.P Liam Neeson has signed up to play detective Phillip Marlowe in a film hailing from Academy Award-winning screenwriter William Monahan (The Departed). The project, titled Marlowe, is based on Benjamin Black‘s “The Black-Eyed Blonde.” Some incredible actors, including Eliot Gould (The Long Good-Bye), Humphrey Bogart (The Big Sleep), James Garner (Marlowe), and Robert Mitchum (Farewell, My Lovely), have played Raymond Chandler‘s famous P.I. in the past, and Neeson’s name should fit comfortably right alongside those towering names. Below, learn more about the new Philip Marlowe movie. Variety is reporting Nickel City Pictures and producer Gary Levinson (Jack Reacher) are behind the project, which will soon go up for auction. Monahan’s script is based on one of the authorized Marlowe stories by another writer.
The Black-Eyed Blonde, which was published in 2014 and named after Benjamin M. Schutz’s short Marlowe story, follows the private investigator at a low point. When he’s more lonely than usual and a bit hungry for work, he takes a job to find a young woman’s former lover, Nico Peterson. Set in the early ’50s in Bay City, California, Peterson’s disappearance, of course, leads to trouble for Marlowe, who will go up against some of Bay City’s richest. Monahan, the screenwriter behind Kingdom of Heaven and the director of Mojave, issued a statement about taking on the responsibility of going into Chandler’s world: The book by Benjamin Black was a pleasure to adapt, and with Marlowe there’s no chance of even being asked to do it left-handed. You have to do Chandler justice, carry a very particular flame, or stay home. He added: It’s hard to tell who has the more of a lion’s heart and soul, Philip Marlowe or Liam Neeson. I hope I’ve done the both of them and a picture I could not anticipate more some service. It’s been a while since audiences have watched Marlowe up on big screen, but with Neeson playing him, and Monahan writing him, the character is returning with plenty of talent at his back. Monahan has written some excellent crime stories, so his involvement raises expectations. The screenwriter recently worked on the Evil Knievel project for Paramount. As for Neeson, he recently starred in Martin Scorsese’s Silence, and we’ll next see him in Jaume Collet-Serra’s The Commuter, the Mark Felt/Deep Throat movie Felt, a remake of In Order of Disappearance, and Steve McQueen’s Widows. With Marlowe, the actor continues to sign up for movies we want to see in theaters. |
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