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You may know Blumhouse productions from making such hit horror films such as The Purge, Insidious, Get Out, and of course Jem and the Holograms. Their static is smart and simple. Make a horror film that cost less then your family and make 10 times the budget from ticket sales. You would never think a studio like this would have money issues. Well, it happened. According to our foreign cousins over at Discussing Film, it seems Blumhouse is now in a rut. Reports are saying that CEO, Jason Blum accidentally dropped a ten dollar bill while buying make up from a Halloween store. During an interview, Mr. Blum spoke out on the situation. This is what he said: "I was just out, picking up some spooky ghosts masks and ghoul make up for Sinister 3. Oh shit, I shouldn't have told you that. Oh well. Anyways, as I went back to my office, I started to count the money I had leftover. I had a few five dollar bills and a twenty. However, the ten dollar bill I had was missing. That ten dollar bill was supposed to go towards Sinister 3. Now i'm gonna have to let a few people go. I'll first start with my niece Karen - she's a total bitch". Sinister 3 has now delayed production as well as the next fifteen purge movies. So what are you views on this? Will Blumhouse make it through? Will Jason fire his bitch of a niece, Karen? Let us know in the comments and be sure to follow us for more Unreel News.
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Our President of the United States, Donald Trump is quite possibly the biggest piece of shit in the world right now. However, it seems he did one act of kindness. And that is letting a young boy mow his grass. Surprised the kid wasn't a Latino. Anyways, ever since this big event, it seems this 11 year old by the name of Frank Giaccio has been getting a lot of attention. And even his own movie. Now it's being reported from our good friends over at Discussing Film that STX Entertainment is now moving forward with a 'Frank the lawnmower boy' movie. Oscar nominated screenwriter Dan Gilroy (Nightcrawler, Kong: Skull Island) has been attached to pen the script. The synopsis goes as this: "A young boy by the name of Frank writes a letter to the President of the United States to mow the White House lawn. What they don't know is Frank is actually a young soviet spy who uses the letter as a distraction to sneak into the white house and assassinate the president once and for all". Now there's no word on who will actually be directing the project. My pick would be Joss Whedon. But that's not a likely chance. The studio is also aiming for Finn Wolfhard from 'IT' and 'Stranger Things' fame to play the title role. 'Frank the Lawnmower Boy' is scheduled for October 21st 2018. Coming off the huge success of 'X-Men: Apocalypse'. Screenwriter and producer, Simon Kinberg is now stepping up in the big boy league by standing behind the camera and yelling "action". Production on the highly anticipated installment, 'X-Men: Dark Phoenix' has been going pretty smoothly... until now. Our good pals over at Discussing Film are reporting that Mr. Kinberg has left the director's chair. That's mainly because he is now confirmed missing. Heads over at 20th Century Fox are looking all over the studio lots, wondering where he might've gone. We talked to one of the studio execs as he was enjoying a nice roast beef foot long sandwich from Subway - which are now going on sale for 3.25 this Saturday only. This is what he stated. "Of course we're pissed. We're giving away a 200 million dollar budget movie over to a guy who's never directed in his life. That's like giving an amputee some driving lessons. Now he's probably tied up in a tool shed, being taken hostage. Or even worse... finding another job. Anyways, we hired a few police on the look out and put out few flyers around town. We're not giving out any rewards though. By the way have you tried this sandwich- HOLY SHIT. THERE'S A FINGER IN MY SANDWHICH" We thanked the exec for his time and walked across the street to buy a roast beef foot long from Subway. So what are your thoughts on this news? Where in the world is Simon Kinberg? Let us know in the comments and be sure to follow us for more Unreel News. We'll keep you guys posted as this story develops. Viacom gives spike tv the greenlight for 'The Spongebob Adult Party Cartoon' will air in 20189/13/2017 By Wyatt J.P
Hey! Remember when John K. and Spike TV raped your childhood with The Ren and Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon? Well get the lube out because it's happening again with Nickelodeon's longest running series Spongebob Squarepants If you don't know Spike TV revived the popular 90s cartoon Ren and Stimpy back in 2003 and was rated TV-MA. The series included gay sex jokes and a scene in which literal shit is turned into a living baby. Viacom made the following statement at a press conference about the Spongebob Adult Party Cartoon. Well what the fuck else does this little yellow shit have going for it?! Ya know Well this is an interesting turn for Nickelodeon let's hope it works out. By Wyatt J.P
With DC announcing movies faster than you can say Salsa Verdé. We haven't heard anything from the producer of the film Martin Scorsese. But as a huge surprise he may not no anything either. I was at Martin's house door for about 5 hours knocking on the door. Finally someone answers, however it was Martin Lawrence. My lead gave me the wrong address, I should've known based on the fact that the house was run down and had a giant advertisement for 'Martin' on BET. Lawrence called me a cracker and drove me outta town. After brutally murdering the lead that I previously trusted I was able to find Scorsese's home in New York I busted open the door after taking a bump of the ol' fun snow and got right in the old dude's face and asked him about his involvement in the Joker movie he said this. Joker?! WHAT?! What do ya mean like the card?! Man let me tell you what my grandfatha used to play cards with me and if I drew the joker card he gave me a wet willy in my bum bum and I'll tell ya this it tickled me to tears! Oh and I remember afterwards waking up with this sticky stuff all over me! didn't know what da hell it was but I liked the taste kinda like one of them aiolis oh boy I love aiolis my favorite is Guy Fieri's have I told you bout da time I met him?! Just then I OD'd on the fun powder I snorted and woke up in the hospital. Looks like Joker the movie is dead. Excuse me I have to go take a piss test for the doc. Phil lord, chris miller and colin trevorrow team up in an attempt to buy lucasfilm from disney9/7/2017 By (the returning) Wyatt J.P
Well now that Lucasfilm has pretty much become WB which has become Sony Pictures, it was only a matter of time before Colin Trevorrow exited Star Wars Episode 9. But now things are heating up and the future of Lucasfilm could be changed forever...again. Phil Lord and Chris Miller who directed 2/3rds of the upcoming Han Solo film have joined forces with Colin Trevorrow to buy Lucasfilm from Amy Pasc- I mean Kathleen Kennedy. The directing trio are calling themselves "The Han" and released the following statement. "We are not the disease. We are the cure. We do not fear, because we are fear. We will take what was taken from us. We will be the dawn of a new day. We are not the bad guys. We are not the good guys. We are. The Han." Very cryptic nonetheless. We will definitely keep you updated on what happens next with The Han and Lucasfilm. |
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