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Just last night, Disney and Lucasfilm rolled out the red carpet for the premiere of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Sadly, I did not attend the premiere since I wasn't invited and one of our writers, Andy Signore was banned. However, we did talk to one blogger in particular about the event. His name is Mark Harloff - a big Star Wars fanboy who records a podcast titled 'Han Splooged First' or some dumb Star Wars pun like that. He told us that he was quite overwhelmed to be at the premiere for the new Star Wars although he's been to the last two premieres. This is what he stated... "It was like nothing I've ever been to. Sure, I went to the premiere for both Force Awakens and Rogue One, but THIS. This was nothing like it. I got to see Daisy Ridley and even accidentally grabbed a hold of John Boyega's crotch. I gotta tell ya, that man has a full on Hickory Farms sausage in his pants. I also got to take a picture with Luke himself, Mark fucking Hamill. He even let me smell his hair. Smells like clams but it was totally worth it. There were a few characters that you may recognize from the movies. Like Chewy, BB-8, etc. They also put out the porgs. The porgs were so damn adorable that I decided to shove one right up my ass. Thankfully, it fit right in like a glove. Sadly, one of the guards came to kick me out of the premiere. Funny thing was, he was dressed like a Storm Trooper so that made it even cooler. I didn't get a chance to see 'The Last Jedi' but I'm gonna see it four times on Thursday so it doesn't really matter. I must say, that was the greatest day of my life. I don't think anything can top that besides maybe next year's Star Wars". Some interesting stuff I do say so myself. How would you react if YOU went to the premiere of a Star Wars movie? Are you going to see 'The Last Jedi' in theaters December 15th? Of course you are you fucking loser. You're probably re-watching the other movies right now - including the prequels. How much of a sack of shit can you be? Follow us for more Unreel News.
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