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Big. Fucking. Orgy.It has almost been one whole year since the BFG was released! Not only did it receive mixed reviews(like even reviews fucking matter), it bombed harder than Hiroshima, losing over 100 million dollars at the office. What could have turned people off from this epic tale for all ages? Was it the choice to open the movie during the crucifixion of Jesus Christ? Could it have been the lackluster score by that hack known as John Williams? Perhaps it was the twenty-minute intermission, in which Spielberg masturbates to photos of his ex-spouse Kate Capshaw.
Spielberg has finally come out his bunker to reveal his theory on why the BFG fucking bombed: "I have made a lot of good ideas in my career as a filmmaker. Like marrying Kate Capshaw. She is such a wonderful woman. I made that one movie about that space nigga on the bike. Have you seen Jurassic Park? That shit is Lit. The only thing that could have made that movie better is if Kate Capshaw was in it. But the BFG had so much potential to be my best movie yet. In the original script, there was a scene where me and my ex-wife, Kate Capshaw, were supposed to have sexual intercourse. It would have been the greatest sex scene ever released in the cinemas. Unfortunately, Kate turned the part down. So I decided to just have the BFG and the little girl to fuck instead. I admit maybe this wasn’t my best idea but it still gave me an erection."
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